It is helpful to begin by defining the term people pleaser. A people pleaser is one who feels a strong urge to please others, even at their own expense. Here is the problem. A people pleaser will look outside themselves for their worth and value, giving their power and confidence away to others. When operating from this mindset, people pleasers are not living an authentic version of themselves. If a people pleaser has felt stuck in a cycle of people pleasing or perhaps even feel unfulfilled due to people pleasing, they are not living up to their God-given potential, but there is hope!
Let’s begin by identifying traits of people pleasers:
- Avoiding conflict or confrontation
- Lacking a sense of self
- Being afraid of failure or rejection
- Difficulty in making decisions
- Being afraid of others’ judgements
- Harboring resentment
- Resistant to emotional discomfort
- You’ve always been a “good girl”; a rule-follower
- You have a hard time saying, “no” and feel guilty when you do
- You have a sense of insecurity
Can you say, “that’s me!”. Often these people pleasers are seen as accommodating, kind, generous, and self-sacrificing. Even to the point of their own psychological health which could affect self-esteem. This could develop into self-sabotaging thoughts and limiting one’s belief systems. People pleasers find themselves living their lives from the outside in. One’s emotions and self-worth are always dependent on the messages they hear from the world, loved ones, and friends.
So, how do we begin to change these ingrained patterns? It all starts with the awareness that these patterns are no longer serving you or adding value to your life in any way. Recognizing there is a deficit in emotional boundaries which keeps one enslaved to others’ expectations of what they think you need to be or do. Allowing others to define who you are will cause you to lose a sense of self. People pleasers often experience fear, shame, anxiety, and depression.
People pleasing will never change our circumstances. Stepping up into our power and confidence with BOLDNESS is part of the solution!
Allow me to assert a few thought-provoking questions:
- Does people pleasing really work for you?
- Is it sustainable?
- Are you at peace?
- Are you doing what you want with your life?
- Are you prioritizing your physical and mental health?
- What is it costing you?
- Are you frustrated by never being seen or heard?
- Do you feel confused all the time?
- Are you tired of managing others’ emotions?
- Do you feel drained and resentful?
I get it, change can be scary. But do you know what is even MORE scary? Staying the same. Having the same unfulfilled life, poor mental health, poor physical health, lack of purpose, and always feeling stuck.
Imagine for a moment what it would be like to live in a peaceful state of mind, to reveal your inner light, to be in alignment with your God-given purpose, and creating the life YOU choose without seeking approval or asking permission from ANYONE. When you truly begin to understand you are here to live at your highest potential, highest version of yourself, and you get to define a newfound FREEDOM that is incomparable to anything else.
I invite you to make that choice!